What A Lovelyyyy Day

Good evening, and welcome to another "episode" of depressed and sad thoughts. /roll

So I'm babysitting for my moms friend (again). And she probably wont pay me (again). But oh well, I just sit on the computer the whole time, so there wouldn't be a lot to pay me for. But we all know that that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my half-brother barging into my life randomly and stealing the last bit of attention that I had left. And now, thanks to him, I've no dignity, either. It's pretty darn hot out, so I'm wearing my ONLY pair of shorts right njow. But - thanks to my moms side of teh family - I have frikken thunder thighs, and these shorts look HORRIBLE on me. I'm thinking about "coming out" about my sexual orientation. I'm gay. I'm just really not sure how I'm going to tell my parents. From what I've seen, I'm nearly positive that one - or both - of them are homophobic. My mom MIGHT accept me after that, but I doubt my dad will ever feel the same about me. And then I'll have MORE rejection in my life. Great. So, you see, that's why it's still a secret. Most people (my friends) think I'm bisexual, cause that's what I told them. But with every day that goes by, I find myself drifting further away from boys, and closer to girls. It's like a number line almost. It has to move back or forth. It can't grow in size, so when it moves further away from one side, it's ultimately moving CLOSER to the other. And that's what's happening to me. And spending atleast 2 hours with 2 engaged lesbians yesterday made it move closer to girls by 10 MINIMUM. I don't really have much to say about suicide or my depression today, but I'll say that my mom is COMPLETELY bipolar and indecisive. She kept complaining today that she was "glad that that lazy fu**ing kid was going home tomorrow" when just YESTERDAY she was saying how she was "scared to send him home because Mike might beat the sh*t out of him." I know that she was just stressed today, but it really frustrates me that everyone - EVEN MY MOTHER - come to me with "their" problems, never thinking that maybe, just ONCE, I'd like to talk.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to come out, or know of someone I could talk to to get support with that, contact me. (you know where \/ \/ \/ \/ (leave a comment))