Before making the previous post, I failed to look at the post before that. #1) I couldn't spell for crap. It's BULIMIA, but nice try. #2) My eating disorder stemmed up before I thought.
I had no idea that I'd ever typed that out. I'd forgotten completely. But... to know that I had ideas of having an eating disorder a YEAR before I developed my eating disorder, makes me feel like a FAILURE. I could have started then, and lost a BUNCH more weight by now. OR I could've gotten help. I could've told someone and seen someone; gone somewhere, but no. Now I'm stuck with people who know and don't give a fuck. These people all know how fat I feel and they still call me a - AND I QUOTE - "fat lazy cow." These people know that I hate to eat, yet they still hover over my shoulder when I'm in the kitchen, and berade me about what I'm eating. They know that I throw up and not once have they tried to stop me.
But what hurts the most is knowing that I could have avoided this. I could have had this NEVER happen. But I'm dumb; I'm a failure; I'll never be good enough for them, and I'll never be important enough for them to notice. I'll never be enough for them to call 'beautiful'.
That's all I really want... is for someone to call me beautiful.
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