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I haven't been to this blog in over a year. Since then, I've developed a drug addiction, and an eating disorder. I am pulling through. Not in hopes that one day my life will get better; not in hopes that one day I'll recover and have children and live happily ever after. No.. it is my hope that by pulling through, perhaps one day I'll be good at this. Perhaps one day, I'll be good at having an eating disorder (be 100lbs) or have enough money to support my addiction. I pull through EVERY day in the hopes that one day it'll be easier to pull through. I would never be so naive to wish recovery. You can take cigarettes away from a smoker, but that doesn't take away the mental drive. You can force food on an anorexic, but it will not take away the feeling in your mind that you are too big. Nothing can take that away, and though I eat the meals that you make me eat, I will NEVER enjoy them, and I will turn back to this all when I move out. When I hold the cards, I'll live in a house with an empty fridge, and an ounce in the cupboard. And I'll be happy with that lifestyle. That's what no one understands; if I could just live the life that I want to live and live it comfortably, I would be happy. That would be my happily ever after.